If you have a weak stomach for all things kid, turn back, look away, read no more. I understand. I was the teenage babysitter who tried to convince the "older" five year old sibling to change his baby brother's diaper as I had Kleenex shoved up my nose and I tried to restrain myself from gagging. I pleaded with the kid, begging him to give me a hand. I would give him a cookie if he would change his brother's diaper for me. Heck, I would've settled for an assistant for that matter. I couldn't handle kids and their need to release anything and everything that they would consume within the day.
Flash forward 15 years.
It is true what they say about "it being different with your own kids". It is absolutely different. However, some days are just a little more than you want to handle. At least I can now laugh about it with Bumble, with her being three. The last two days have been an adventure in this area of things. If you get grossed out easily, stop now, but if you are a parent I'm sure you can relate.
Hoot eats constantly. She is just a passionate eater and always has been. She was taking down 8 oz. from the beginning pretty much and has always enjoyed solids. If we don't feed her fast enough she is yelling, grunting, and slamming her chubby little hand on the table. She is a demanding little sucker. However, with all of the food intake comes a lot of outtake. We have spent many times on the side of the road, cleaning out blowouts, and many mornings changing sheets. So as I am tearing off sheets today, running late for my MOMS group, I am doing an internal struggle of "do I throw her in the bath this morning and become even later OR do I just grab that box of wipes?" I went with the second option (terrible I know), shoveled some food down, and out the door we went. All the while I am trying to peel the layers of white dog hair that cling to me and fly around in the air. Oh Denali. My 130 pound Husky-Wolf thinks it is summer when I turn on the heater in our apartment. It is 30 degrees outside, come on man. I had already cleaned our couch twice this morning with it being covered in an inch of snow white hair. He likes to cram his body between the coffee table and the couch in search of crumbs left behind, while leaving a trail of clumpy dog hair along the couch line. You can't escape it. I'm not sure why I own anything black.
We were only 30 minutes late to group. Upon leaving I hear Hoot cough a few times and then start crying. I do what I always do instinctively with her. I reach in the diaper bag, grab a box of raisins, and hand them back. Bumble immediately says, "Umm, Mom...she has oatmeal all over her." Say what? I get out to find her covered in breakfast from the morning. Lovely. I grab the wipes in the front seat and try to clean her up, very quickly, because my chubby little friend decides that she is going to eat her now resurfaced Craisins and oatmeal. Yuck. She just can't resist any kind of food being that close.
We get back and before getting her out of the car I decide to take off her shirt, even though it's freezing, and run her inside. I throw Bumble's lunch in the microwave and throw Hoot in the tub. After giving them both baths and lunch I get them into bed for a much needed nap. After a few minutes I hear the springs of Hoot's mattress and I know that Bumble has made her way into Hoot's bed and they are jumping like crazy. It's their own personal trampoline. After about ten minutes of this Bumble is calling me saying, "Mom, get in here. We have an emergency." I walk in to find that Bumble has hopped out of the crib and is pointing at her sister, who is eating something (you can fill in that blank). Another blow out. Pants, shirt, back, hairline. Yes. Everything off. Let's start again. As I'm changing her, the sheets, and everything else Denali enters the room and decides he wants to start in on what he's finding in the sheets. Then, Bumble jumps out of bed saying, "Mom! I need to use the restroom!" and runs out of the room to the bathroom. Once again, we get all settled, I get them down again, and I sit down to do a little reading. Denali walks in and starts licking the coffee table, which usually doesn't bother me a ton, but with the situation being what it was and knowing where his tongue had been I immediately broke out the cleaners.
If you would have told the fifteen year old me what I would be doing down the road I would never have believed it. All without Kleenex up the nostrils too. Quite an accomplishment in itself.
Kids expose you to things that you never thought you would do. Sometimes, when you are in the throws of complete chaos, you just need to smile, laugh, and take it in. It's just for a moment. A moment that will pass and I know at some point these little gross kiddos won't need me quite as much. So for now, even though I often cringe, I will gladly follow them around and take care of all of their "emergencies".
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