Over the last several years I have dreaded the very thought of losing someone close to me. I would always fall back on my faith, but some days the anticipation of losing a loved one was beyond my comprehension. Over the past four months I have seen my extremely healthy, very independent Oma (grandmother), decline due to lung cancer. She was honestly one of the last family members I thought would pass away any time soon. She was just so “healthy” and always seemed 20 years younger than her age.
Last Tuesday, on Hoot's birthday, my Oma passed away. My Oma was my grandmother, but also a very dear friend who I confided in and learned from. She was a joy to our family. She was a great-grandmother to my girls and they were enamored with her.
Leading up to the time of her passing, I was able to do something that I normally can never do. For the most part, I could pray about the situation and then leave it, instead of analyzing and dwelling. This, being completely against my own nature, was completely God. He was already moving in my heart. At night, through tears, I would think of my Oma, but God would bring a new hope and clarity of Him as well. I thought about Adam and Eve and how even after their betrayal God still gave us another chance through his forgiveness and mercy. Words that I knew to be true for much of my life started to take on a new color, becoming more vivid and real.
As I booked our flight to Texas and made her funeral program I was surrounded with memories, pictures, and words filled with my Oma. I had moments of tears, but they were short. The reality of Heaven had become more real than ever and my perspective of the stuff on this Earth had shifted. I felt peace and joy welling up within me. I prayed, “God, I know what is coming when we land in Texas. Grieving family, her home where every piece of decor tells her story, and I will be standing in the place where so many memories have been shared. Lord, please prepare me” and IMMEDIATELY He said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you. I am already IN the moment where you land in Texas, I am already IN the moment where you walk through her home, and I am already IN the moment of the funeral. Have I EVER not been there?” So, in that moment of prayer, I decided to trust. I said, “Okay, God, either I trust you or I don’t. It is really simple.”
As I drove to her home, spent a morning going through her belongings and her favorite jewelry, and attended her funeral, I felt and KNEW that God was already there. The reaction we have all felt is nothing short of a miracle from God. We have had moments of tears, but SO many more moments of laughter and pure joy. I thought again about the Garden of Eden and how in that moment Satan must have felt victory. His ultimate goal is to divide us from God and he will do whatever it takes to make it happen. However, through God's grace and forgiveness, we have been given another chance at an eternal bond that can never be broken. EVER. So, no matter what we face in this temporal life…death, addiction, fear, betrayal, etc…NOTHING can separate those who place their trust in Jesus Christ from eternity in Heaven. Death makes these truths more vivid. It makes the words from scripture LEAP off the pages.
As my Mom said, "Mother is not dead, she is, in fact, more alive than she has ever been. For all the pleasures we tend to live for, or try to create, here on earth, she is experiencing far more than these. She is experiencing inexpressible Love, Joy and beauty beyond anything we can comprehend. She is complete and whole and is eagerly awaiting our arrival, so that we can enjoy all that God has for us together. We can be sad now and miss her presence here, but never be sad that she is gone, because she isn’t. From the moment Mother heard that she had cancer, she was at peace. She told everyone, 'I'm not afraid,' 'I'm not in control, God is, and whatever happens is fine - either way.' Mother also repeatedly said on the way to doctor visits that she had joy in her heart. She said, 'It's not me, it's God,' 'I'm not happy or sad, but feel joy.' This joy is the peace that surpasses all understanding, the peace that God gives in any circumstance through Christ. Mother is with Jesus today. She is absolutely whole and complete. The reality of her Being is greater and more secure than anything we have here on this earth. She knew this from the very start and this was, and IS, her strength today.”
This is the JOY we have had in our hearts this last week. We have laughed a great deal. During the funeral, we did not cry, and that was not because we do not miss her terribly, but because we know where she is is SO much better than where we are today. Ultimately, it is because God was ALREADY there in that moment, preparing the way, preparing our hearts, and loving us through it all. When we surrender our “control” to God and just BELIEVE in his word and truths, it is absolutely AMAZING the work He can do in our hearts. I feel hope and joy in the depths of my soul knowing that whatever lies ahead, the Lord is already there, and will bring comfort into my heart that I cannot possibly imagine.
I absolutely dreaded telling Bumble. As we told her, and the words sunk in, she said, “So Oma knows Raelee now?” Raelee was the precious son of our sweet friends who passed away in December. We said, “Yes, she does.” Then, she started sobbing. My husband held her for probably five minutes and she abruptly said, “I need to draw. Mom, where is my Bible? Where is your Heaven book?” So at 11:30 p.m., as we prepared for our flight the next morning, she left for 15 minutes and came back with the picture below. As my Dad talked about during my Oma’s eulogy, this is the child-like faith that we all need to have. We make things so incredibly complicated when they just do not need to be at all. Bumble just believed. She has faith and joy in Oma being in Heaven with the Father she tells us she loves more than us. That quick reaction was such a witness to all of us.
We believe in Him not because of circumstance or feeling, but because we know His truth is victorious and the ONLY truth that matters.
“I tell you the truth, if anyone keeps My Word, He will never see death.”
John 8:51
"O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?”
1 Corinthians 15:55
