Oh Death, Where is Your Sting?

Over the last several years I have dreaded the very thought of losing someone close to me.  I would always fall back on my faith, but some days the anticipation of losing a loved one was beyond my comprehension.  Over the past four months I have seen my extremely healthy, very independent Oma (grandmother), decline due to lung cancer.  She was honestly one of the last family members I thought would pass away any time soon.  She was just so “healthy” and always seemed 20 years younger than her age.

Last Tuesday, on Hoot's birthday, my Oma passed away.   My Oma was my grandmother, but also a very dear friend who I confided in and learned from.  She was a joy to our family. She was a great-grandmother to my girls and they were enamored with her.  

Leading up to the time of her passing, I was able to do something that I normally can never do.  For the most part, I could pray about the situation and then leave it, instead of analyzing and dwelling. This, being completely against my own nature, was completely God.  He was already moving in my heart.  At night, through tears, I would think of my Oma, but God would bring a new hope and clarity of Him as well.  I thought about Adam and Eve and how even after their betrayal God still gave us another chance through his forgiveness and mercy.  Words that I knew to be true for much of my life started to take on a new color, becoming more vivid and real.

As I booked our flight to Texas and made her funeral program I was surrounded with memories, pictures, and words filled with my Oma.  I had moments of tears, but they were short.  The reality of Heaven had become more real than ever and my perspective of the stuff on this Earth had shifted.  I felt peace and joy welling up within me.  I prayed, “God, I know what is coming when we land in Texas.  Grieving family, her home where every piece of decor tells her story, and I will be standing in the place where so many memories have been shared.  Lord, please prepare me” and IMMEDIATELY He said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.  I am already IN the moment where you land in Texas, I am already IN the moment where you walk through her home, and I am already IN the moment of the funeral.  Have I EVER not been there?”  So, in that moment of prayer, I decided to trust.  I said, “Okay, God, either I trust you or I don’t.  It is really simple.”

As I drove to her home, spent a morning going through her belongings and her favorite jewelry, and attended her funeral, I felt and KNEW that God was already there.  The reaction we have all felt is nothing short of a miracle from God.  We have had moments of tears, but SO many more moments of laughter and pure joy.  I thought again about the Garden of Eden and how in that moment Satan must have felt victory.  His ultimate goal is to divide us from God and he will do whatever it takes to make it happen.  However, through God's grace and forgiveness, we have been given another chance at an eternal bond that can never be broken.  EVER.  So, no matter what we face in this temporal life…death, addiction, fear, betrayal, etc…NOTHING can separate those who place their trust in Jesus Christ from eternity in Heaven.  Death makes these truths more vivid.  It makes the words from scripture LEAP off the pages.

As my Mom said, "Mother is not dead, she is, in fact, more alive than she has ever been.  For all the pleasures we tend to live for, or try to create, here on earth, she is experiencing far more than these. She is experiencing inexpressible Love, Joy and beauty beyond anything we can comprehend.  She is complete and whole and is eagerly awaiting our arrival, so that we can enjoy all that God has for us together.  We can be sad now and miss her presence here, but never be sad that she is gone, because she isn’t.  From the moment Mother heard that she had cancer, she was at peace.  She told everyone, 'I'm not afraid,' 'I'm not in control, God is, and whatever happens is fine - either way.' Mother also repeatedly said on the way to doctor visits that she had joy in her heart.  She said, 'It's not me, it's God,' 'I'm not happy or sad, but feel joy.'  This joy is the peace that surpasses all understanding, the peace that God gives in any circumstance through Christ.  Mother is with Jesus today.  She is absolutely whole and complete.  The reality of her Being is greater and more secure than anything we have here on this earth.  She knew this from the very start and this was, and IS, her strength today.”

This is the JOY we have had in our hearts this last week.  We have laughed a great deal.  During the funeral, we did not cry, and that was not because we do not miss her terribly, but because we know where she is is SO much better than where we are today.  Ultimately, it is because God was ALREADY there in that moment, preparing the way, preparing our hearts, and loving us through it all.  When we surrender our “control” to God and just BELIEVE in his word and truths, it is absolutely AMAZING the work He can do in our hearts.  I feel hope and joy in the depths of my soul knowing that whatever lies ahead, the Lord is already there, and will bring comfort into my heart that I cannot possibly imagine.

I absolutely dreaded telling Bumble.  As we told her, and the words sunk in, she said, “So Oma knows Raelee now?” Raelee was the precious son of our sweet friends who passed away in December.  We said, “Yes, she does.”  Then, she started sobbing.  My husband held her for probably five minutes and she abruptly said, “I need to draw.  Mom, where is my Bible?  Where is your Heaven book?”  So at 11:30 p.m., as we prepared for our flight the next morning, she left for 15 minutes and came back with the picture below.  As my Dad talked about during my Oma’s eulogy, this is the child-like faith that we all need to have.  We make things so incredibly complicated when they just do not need to be at all.  Bumble just believed.  She has faith and joy in Oma being in Heaven with the Father she tells us she loves more than us.  That quick reaction was such a witness to all of us.

We believe in Him not because of circumstance or feeling, but because we know His truth is victorious and the ONLY truth that matters.

“I tell you the truth, if anyone keeps My Word, He will never see death.”

John 8:51

"O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?” 

1 Corinthians 15:55

Are you being attacked?

You ever feel like you are being attacked?  Things are pulling you down and tempting you to be negative and downtrodden.  Others in your life are dealing with illness, anxiety, depression, marriage struggles, temptations, etc. etc. etc.  Life can be hard.  

The other night, while laying in bed, I was thinking and praying.  I said to my husband, "Life is just hard."  He quietly said, "Yes, it is" and then followed it up by a loud snore.  It was 1 a.m. when I decided to start this deep conversation so I gave him a pass.  It's just lately I have had those close to me share some hard, gut-wrenching struggles they are having in their lives.  All of these people are fellow believers in Christ and I can see them fighting against the temptation to just be negative and give up.  However, they are fighters.  The struggle is real though.  Jesus said, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" (John 16:33).

This is where they find their peace and HOPE.  It is true, that even as a believer, we will have troubles that may come in the form of finances, depression, marital and relationship issues, anxiety, and illness. However, despite these hardships and how daunting they can sometimes feel, HE has already won.  HE has overcome the world and its ways.  With his strength (Philippians 4:13) you and I can overcome these worldly struggles.

Before our Life Group met last night, I felt shaken due to some recent struggles.  In tears I hugged a friend and the words out of her mouth stuck with me.  She said, "I will rebuke him until I don't have a voice left.  We must be doing something good".  It reminded me of something Joyce Meyer said in a sermon.  She said, "God is up to something or the devil wouldn't be fighting you this hard."  Each struggle is just an opportunity to grow in your relationship with Christ.

Last night, God spoke Genesis 50:20 to me where Joseph says, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."  If you are not familiar with Joseph's story it was a rough one.  He experienced the ultimate betrayal of his brothers selling him into slavery.  His brothers killed a goat, dipped Joseph's robe (which was gifted by his father) in the blood, and led their father to believe Joseph was killed.  He found favor while working in the house of Potiphar, an Egyptian who was one of Pharaoh's officials.  Of course, everything blew up when Potiphar's wife accused Joseph of wanting to sleep with her.  Her pride was so hurt that when Joseph rejected her advances she turned it around on Joseph and started accusing him instead.  Pharaoh, "burning with anger", threw him in prison.  Can you imagine how misunderstood and rejected Joseph felt?  I personally hate feeling misunderstood and want it all out there and here you have Joseph whose life thus far has been a HUGE misunderstanding, at least from a near-sighted worldly view.  However, God had a different plan.  "But while Joseph was there in the prison, the Lord was with him; he showed him kindness and granted him favor in the eyes of the prison warden" (Genesis 40:21).  Joseph was never alone and never forgotten.  God was with him at all times.  While in prison, the cupbearer and chief baker upset Pharaoh and they ended up in prison with Joseph.  They each had a dream and after interpreting the dream of the chief cupbearer Joseph said, "But when all goes well with you, remember me and show me kindness; mention me to Pharaoh and get me out of this prison" (Genesis 40:14).  Of course, going along with the path of Joseph's life so far, "The chief cupbearer, however, did not remember Joseph; he forgot him" (Genesis 40:23).  It wasn't until TWO years later, when Pharaoh had a dream, that the cupbearer remembered the man in prison that interpreted his dream.  Pharaoh called on Joseph to interpret his dream and afterward said, "Since God made all this known to you, there is no one so discerning and wise as you.  You shall be in charge of my palace, and all my people are to submit to your orders.  Only with respect to the throne will I be greater than you" (Genesis 41:39-40).  Fast forward now to a famine that struck the lands.  Jacob, learning about grains in Egypt, sent his sons to get some so they wouldn't die.  They came to Joseph, who was in charge of distributing the grains.  After Joseph eventually revealed who he was to his brothers, who originally didn't recognize them, he ended up reassuring them and taking care of them.  "Joseph settled his father and his brothers in Egypt and gave them property in the best part of the land, the district of Rameses, as Pharaoh directed.  Joseph also provided his father and his brothers and all his father's household with food, according to the number of their children" (Genesis 47:11-12).  Joseph not only forgave his brothers, but gave back to them tenfold.  That brings us back to when Joseph says, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done..."  Joseph's faith and hope was in God and His plan and not in the plan of his brothers that had caused him so much hurt.  His eyes were on God, not on this world.

It is absolutely amazing how God can take something that is intended to harm us and bring so much goodness and GLORY through it.  I am having the opportunity to see this in the lives of others right now along with my own.  Even though it may hurt in the moment, I know that through God so much good can be done.  We just have to be open to Him and allow his peace and gift of forgiveness to flow through us, realizing this great truth:

I will admit when I first saw this last week, after a friend posted it, my mind was saying "He...arrow...I...He...points to...I...I don't get it".  It sometimes takes me a second. :)  Then, it clicked.  HE is GREATER than I am.  The company is based off of the Bible verse John 3:30 where it says, "He must increase, but I must decrease".  So, in the midst of my mini-meltdown before Life Group last night that same friend gave me a journal with "HE>i" and it was just perfect timing.  Don't you just love when God works through your friends like that and allows things to happen at just the perfect time?  

Jesus is greater than I am.  His plan is greater than I am.  When I face adversity, it's okay because I know that God is always with me, like he was always with Joseph.  I know that he can and will bring good out of what was intended for harm.  Such an amazing promise that brings such eternal hope and crazy ridiculous peace that goes above and beyond anything I can comprehend.

Painting Letters: Projectors, Cricuts, and Silhouettes OH MY!

Years ago I found an old warehouse on Craigslist.  I was on the search for one of the original overhead projectors that were used in the classroom with transparencies.  I was pretty pumped as I walked out of that place with my "new" $20 projector.  Oh the crafty stuff I could do!

Remember these guys?

I spent time designing through Pages (yes I'm a Mac kind of girl), printing on transparencies (hoping they were sized right), and then plopping that big machine on my dining room table often times only to find out that it wasn't sized right to the canvas and I would need to start over again.  However, through some trial and error I would get it right and really for $20 how can you go wrong?  I used it mostly for letter work and while the edges aren't always perfectly crisp I also kind of liked it that way too!

As the years passed I heard rumors of a machine called the Cricut.  I found a way, despite the price tag, and made it happen.  I used it a little at first, but then I got pregnant and honestly just didn't have the money.  The original Cricut that I had required multiple cartridges for designs and fonts.  This newly "retired" teacher and stay at home Mom was not exactly in the place to buy dozens of cartridges.  So, the Cricut sat lonely, upstairs, in an office that was rarely used.  When Bumble was one we had a garage sale and I sold the Cricut, which was hard!  It was one of those items that in my head I would always get back to, but in reality I knew I never would.

In between the Cricut and Silhouette I tried this method of painting letters onto canvas.  It's a nice way to transfer them over.  Just be sure to reverse (mirror) your letters before trying out this one.

Fast forward to now and hearing about the Silhouette Cameo.  The main thing that stood out to me with both the new Cricut and Silhouette is that you could hook it up to your computer, no cartridges needed, and use all of the fonts and designs you already had!  This was HUGE and my brain was spinning with what I could dream up.  Christmas rolled around and I used my Christmas money to buy this bundle on Amazon.  

I am by no means a pro with this thing yet, but I am really enjoying it!  There is so much you can do with it and it makes designing and painting letters way easier.  I wanted to try out a few things when I first received it so I have used the regular vinyl, glitter heat transfer vinyl, and just the vinyl as a stencil to paint letters and images.  The Silhouette software is super user friendly and makes the process a breeze.

So far here are 3 of my top tips (from figuring it out the hard way):

1.  All of the settings in the guide may not be just perfect for your particular Silhouette.  I always do a test cut first to make sure it is cutting appropriately.  I messed up a lot of expensive vinyl by not doing this in the beginning!

2.  Speaking of expensive vinyl, if you are just using the vinyl as a stencil that you will just pull off your project and throw away may I suggest buying a cheap roll of contact paper from Wal-Mart?  It works wonderfully for that.  I have had issues pulling it off because it's not quite as sticky as the vinyl, but if you have patience it's a much cheaper option.

3.  When it comes to painting the letters on, make sure that your vinyl or contact paper is firmly in place.  The paint WILL bleed underneath and it is such a bummer when you pull it off only to reveal runny letters.  A solution to letters bleeding that I found while searching is to use Mod Podge!  Here is a tutorial on how to use it when doing your letters from Laura at The Turquoise Home.  Courtney from A Diamond in the Stuff has a similar tutorial as well.  Most tutorials say to use only matte Mod Podge.  I used glossy (because that's all I had) and it turned out great.

For Valentine's Day I wanted to make something special for the hubs.  We both love the song "A Sunday Kind of Love" by Etta James.  If you don't know it you should.  So I went to Lowe's, picked out my board, brought it home to my miter saw, and made my cuts.  As my stain dried I made my design with the Silhouette software.

Once I was ready I sent my project to be cut.  After weeding out what I didn't want to use I placed the transfer paper on top of my vinyl.

Then, I carefully removed the back of the vinyl, placed it on my piece of wood (as straight as possible), and then carefully removed the front piece of transfer paper.  This leaves just the vinyl remaining on the wood board.

From here (sorry no pictures) I painted my modge podge on each letter to prevent the paint from bleeding.  The only issue I had once I lifted the vinyl was with some of the fonts I chose.  They were soooooo thin that when I lifted the vinyl it lifted the paint with it!  Oops!  I was able to touch it up by hand so problem solved.

I was super happy with the way it all turned out.

Here are a few more Silhouette projects that I have done so far:

Until next time...happy painting!

Linking up with: Coastal Charm A Stroll Thru Life Nap Time Creations Ladybug Blessings The Turquoise Home Whimsy Wednesdays

The Power of God Over Satan

This is definitely one of those entries you should pour a cup of coffee for and set aside a moment to read.  It’s a little lengthy :)  I do feel like God has placed this on my heart to share with you all and has revealed a lot to me as I started digging deeper for more clarity and answers.

 Last week, during Life Group, we discussed the power of the devil in our own actions and our thought life.  As we discussed, something was just not setting well, but I couldn’t put it into words.  I believe I said, “We just need to be careful not to limit God” and that was it.  Sometimes, especially lately, there will be something that just doesn't set well within me, but I can't put a finger on why.  Since that night I have been reading and researching, trying to gather the thoughts I feel like the Holy Spirit was stirring.

As I was working out last week, I was praying, and I heard God tell me, “We are supposed to speak the power of the word of God out loud.  By continually placing so much blame and giving so much credit to the devil we are speaking out the power of the devil and not of God.”  I sat there for a second just to digest this idea and how this plays out in my own life.  This revelation from God started my journey of reading more about the devil, his influence, and so on.

One of the first items I came across is how God carries the divine attributes of being omnipotent (all-powerful), omniscient (all-knowing), and omnipresent (He is present everywhere).  The devil doesn't have these divine attributes and while God can be everywhere at once Satan can only be one place at a time.  Thus, being one way or reason his demons are used.  However, according to Wayne Grudem’s Systematic Theology, “The power of the demons is limited.  After rebelling against God they do not have the power they had when they were angels, for sin is a weakening and destructive influence. The power of demons, though significant, is therefore probably less than the power of the angels.” 

Our universe was upheld and created by the Word of God (John 1:3, Hebrews 1:3).  Therefore, hell must break the power of the Word of God if it wants to win.  This is why we find ourselves fighting an enemy that constantly seeks to alter our perception of reality.  However, “the Word came to destroy the works of the devil” (1 John 3:8).  “The Word” is Jesus.  The devil and his stronghold over believers was absolutely destroyed with the cross.  “Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might break the power of him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil— and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death” (Hebrews 2:14-15).  “‘Where, O death, is your victory?  Where, O death, is your sting?’  The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 15:55-57).

All of this being said, the devil and his demons definitely influence and help to cause destruction in our lives.  Wayne Grudem goes on to say, “Not all sin is caused by Satan or demons, nor is the major influence or cause of sin demonic activity, but demonic activity is probably a factor in almost all sin and almost all destructive activity that opposes the work of God in the world today.  In the lives of Christians, the emphasis of the New Testament is not on the influence of demons but on the sin that remains in the believer’s life.  Nevertheless, we should recognize that sinning (even by Christians) does give a foothold for some kind of demonic influence in our lives.  Thus Paul could say, “Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26).  In order to not give the devil “opportunity” we need to rebuke Him with the word of God and often times very directly.

For example by saying, “Spirit of fear, in Jesus’ name, I command you, go away from here and don’t return”, we are rebuking any evilness that may be working on influencing us.  When, Jesus was tempted by Satan in the wilderness he repeatedly quoted scripture in response.  We need to remind ourselves of the truths in Scripture, which tell us, “You are of God, and have overcome them; for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world (1 John 4:4) and “God, did not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of POWER and LOVE and SELF-CONTROL” (2 Timothy 1:7).  This is what I feel like God was telling me that day when I was working out.  Yes, we need to recognize that there is a spiritual war going on around us, but even more than that we need to recognize the power of God and speak it.  While the devil is to blame for many temptations and influences in our lives He is not to blame for all of them.  Instead of speaking the power of the devil too often we need to speak out and put on the armor of God.  

In Ephesians 6:10-17 it says, “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”  

In 2 Corinthians 10:3-4 it says, “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.  The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world.  On the contrary, they have divine power to DEMOLISH strongholds.”

Further emphasis on the power of God is seen in Jude 6 when it says, “And the angels who did not keep their positions of authority but abandoned their proper dwelling—these he has kept in darkness, bound with everlasting chains for judgment on the great Day.”  He has the power to bind the demons.  Nothing happens to us that doesn’t go through the hands of God first. That being said, when I am afflicted by something, I try to remember that God is also allowing it.  What I am currently experiencing, God could be using to refine me into the person He wants me to be, ultimately bringing Him glory.  “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance” (James 1:2-3).

All of these thoughts, quotes, and scriptures are not to say that Satan is not incredibly powerful and that his demons don’t try to influence our lives.  This definitely happens every day, each moment.  However, instead, it is to say that “for He who is IN you is GREATER than he who is in the world” (1 John 4:4).  It’s important to recognize the power of Satan, but also to know that we must “submit to God and resist the devil” and by doing so “he will flee from you” (James 4:7).  To submit to God and resist the devil we must remember and speak out the power of the Word and believe it.  

Greg Laurie, senior pastor of Harvest Christian Fellowship in Riverside, California says, “The devil was soundly defeated at the cross of Calvary.  Colossians 2:15, speaking of what Jesus accomplished at the cross, says, ‘Having disarmed principalities and powers, He made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them in it.’ At Calvary, the devil lost his foothold and stranglehold on the life of the human race. This means that each of us can be set free by the power of Jesus Christ.”  I LOVE this.  This is where our main focus and hope needs to be found.  Although we need to recognize the power of the devil, we also know how it does not even compare to the power of God and His omnipotent and omniscient will for our lives.  Instead of proclaiming the power of the devil SHOUT OUT the praises and the power of the one who already defeated him.

Zyrtec/Antihistamine Withdrawal: My Personal Experience

Let me begin by saying I am not a doctor.  I have no medical background and what I'm going to share is my personal experience (with links to hundreds of others with the same experience).  You may have had absolutely no issue when taking Zyrtec, or Ceterizine, and other similar anti-histamines long term and praise the Lord that you have not.  It's just not fun.  At all.

Here's my story--it's lengthy:

Last December (2014) I noticed my asthma was kicking up.  I have always had activity induced asthma that occasionally flared with seasonal changes.  After going to the doctor I was started on an antibiotic, a steroid pack, and a new inhaler.  A few days into taking the antibiotic and steroid pack I started feeling nauseated, having stomach symptoms, and just overall feeling like yuck.  We were out of town for Christmas and this was just not my idea of fun.  The morning we were at the airport, heading back home, I noticed that my thighs had red bumps all over and they itched like crazy.  I wasn't a fan of it, but I also didn't think too much of it.  We got home and it continued.  The next day it had spread and off to the doctor I went.  I received a tub of cream and a new steroid.  I also started taking Zyrtec and Zantac (acts as both an antacid and H-2 blocker).  I finally started finding relief from the constant, crazy hives, itching and burning.  I was so relieved.  I started trying to take less of the medication to see how it would go.  On New Years Eve I had a slight headache so I took one Ibuprofen and POW, hives all over and a fat, swollen lip.  After speaking to my doctor I doubled up the dose of my steroid and took another Zyrtec.  Within 30 minutes I was back to being somewhat "normal".  Apparently, when you are having a hives response you should avoid any type of NSAID (Ibuprofen, Advil, Aleve) because it can make a hives outbreak even worse.  I found this out firsthand and still, a year later, the only pain reliever I have taken is a Tylenol.

Just to give you a visual of what was going on during this period of time.  It's not pretty.  :)
  This was every day, even with the medication, which after a while I did see improvement.



After having hives for six weeks your "acute hives" get named "chronic hives".  I was recommended to visit my allergist for skin testing and blood work.  When I asked him how long this could last he smiled and said, "Well, it could be another week, a month, or ten years."  So comforting.  Leading up to the skin testing you have to get off of all antihistamines for one week.  Within 24 hours I started feeling intense burning and itching in my feet and hands.  It was unlike the previous symptoms, with far less hives, but instead deep burning.  One spot would burn and itch and then go away only to return somewhere else.  It was constant and miserable.  My allergist said this was normal and it made sense to me.  I get off the Zyrtec and my symptoms return.  In my mind, at this time, it just reaffirmed my need for the medicine.  I tested positive for pretty much every environmental allergen, but who knows if that was even a new development.  I could have always had sensitivities to these allergens.  He prescribed another round of steroids, told me to continue the Zyrtec and Zantac regimen, and use the cream as needed.  He suggested allergy shots (a five year commitment, with multiple shots each week in the beginning) or I could continue this for now.

I decided to continue this regimen and after a few months of slowly taking away certain medications I was able to just take one Zyrtec a day.  I tried to start spreading out how often I took Zyrtec as well.  I know one antihistamine a day doesn't seem like much, but for someone who likes to take the least amount of medicine possible and leans more toward the holistic side of things it started to bother me that I felt like I could not get off of it.  It made me nervous to even think about it and if I missed my next dose by even 30 minutes I would start experiencing the intense burning and itching, starting in my hands and feet.  Once again, not my original symptom.

Honestly, after praying to God for healing, I felt like He was telling me to stop taking the Zyrtec.  So I tried.  In February 2015 I tried and only made it a few days.  I had flare ups of burning that would rotate across my body.  My hands felt swollen, to where I had a hard time bending my fingers.  The pain radiated within and itched like mad.  I wanted to tear my skin apart and despite all of my quoting scripture, researching the mess out of the internet, and trying every holistic treatment I could find (drinking apple cider vinegar, mixing essential oils, using Witch Hazel, cold compresses, etc. etc. etc.) I just could not handle it.  Back to the Zyrtec I went and I found relief within 30 minutes.  All of this made me feel even more dependent on it and it would freak me out if I went out without my Zyrtec pill.  I kept telling myself, "Well, this is why I am on it.  I need this medicine and that's just the way it is."  Not only did I not like being so dependent on it, but it was expensive!  I tried to get off of it again during the summer of 2015 and lasted four days.  I had the same intense burning throughout my body, my joints started aching, and my hands alternated between red flare-ups, burning, and then a swollen sensation.  Again, none of these were my original symptoms I was having when I started Zyrtec.  I convinced myself that this is what it was going to be, even though I had never been so dependent on any type of allergy medicine ever.  I told myself it wasn't that big of a deal in the larger scheme of things and it could be way worse (and it could be!).  However, I still had this nagging feeling that it just was not right.  I would pray about it and I still felt like God was telling me to stop taking it.  I just didn't like that I had become so absolutely dependent on it and that I was putting it into my body every day.  It honestly started depressing me and heightened my anxiety level for sure.

Researching these types of things on the internet usually is not good at all and usually increases my fear, but this time was different.  After typing in "Zyrtec withdrawal" I came across literally hundreds of people posting the exact same experience.  Many had been taking this medication, along with other antihistamines, for months and years, yet when they tried to get off of them they would first start experiencing the burning and itching in their hands and feet.  As days would pass without taking a Zyrtec it would become unbearable, moving across their body, and as they would scratch one area it would get even worse and then move to the next area.  They felt hopeless, depressed, and completely tied to this drug.  Some got off for a matter of days and went right back to it.  There were a few that finally started feeling relief around Day 15 and some it took 6 or more months.  Doctors would tell them that they needed to keep taking the Zyrtec because the symptoms they were having when not taking it were the very reason they needed to continue taking it.  That logic definitely makes sense.  However, many of these people never had the itching and burning in the first place.  They started taking Zyrtec for the occasional runny nose and itchy eyes due to seasonal allergies.  Now they would have crazy burning and itching if they missed their dose, even by a few hours.  Many articles stated that with long term antihistamine use the body is blocking the histamines from being released.  Your body becomes dependent on the antihistamine to take care of business.  However, when you try to get off of the antihistamine it is like opening a flood gate that goes crazy in your body and everything is to the extreme, making you want to go right back to taking that antihistamine.  Your body no longer knows how to respond appropriately and therefore is overreacting.  Makes perfect sense to me.

Here are just a few links tied to the "Zyrtec withdrawal":

Zyrtec Withdrawal is a Nightmare
Flood Law Group-putting together a case against Zyrtec
Cetirizine (Zyrtec) Withdrawal & Unbearable Itching
Consumer Affairs Complaints and Reviews about Zyrtec
Personal Account from a Person Who Suffered with Zyrtec Withdrawal
Unbearable Itching from Cetirizine

So, starting on November 9, 2015 I decided to dive into the Whole 30 eating.  It basically looks like this for 30 days:

Oh it's been rough!  Especially on my birthday, Thanksgiving, and making Christmas treats, but when you are desperate for a change and healing with something you will go all out.  I will do a post on this at some point, but the main changes I saw/felt was that I slept so much better!  I didn't wake up in the middle of the night and I woke up incredibly rested.  Another positive was that I needed to take my Advair inhaler on a pretty regular basis (at least 3-4 times a week).  I have only taken it once in these thirty days.  I feel a lot more energy and don't hit that afternoon slump of just being plain exhausted.  When it came to my Zyrtec, I was able to cut my pill in half and just take half a day.  

In the middle of the Whole30, on November 27th,  I decided to try, yet again, to get off Zyrtec completely.  I prayed and used all of those people that posted about their "Zyrtec/Antihistamine withdrawal" as motivation.  Let me tell you, the first week was ROUGH.  Just like the previous times.  However, this time, I kept telling myself that it would pass, that God was my strength, and with His power I could get over the hump.  My husband was a great strength for me too.  I asked him to read and research some of the articles and posts online.  All I wanted was to run to my medicine cabinet and down some Zyrtec so I needed him to be an informed advocate for me to stay away from it.  On Day 4 I sat at my desk, head over my Bible, and just cried.  I never cry due to pain.  The only time I remember doing so is in the last weeks of my bed rest while I was pregnant with Hoot (and honestly part of that was probably hormones).  Adam walked in and asked if he could pray for me.  I felt peace sweep over me and I said out loud, "I am not going to let this win.  God wins.  Satan has no hold on me and this is not of you God."

My last day of taking 1/2 a Zyrtec was November 27th.  I also went to a holistic doctor who gave me natural whole food supplements to detox my liver and get everything balanced in my intestines.  Basically what a probiotic would do as well.  It is now December 9th and I still have not taken a Zyrtec.  Every day is SO much better and now it has just become more of a nuisance instead of deep pain.  Praise the Lord :)

There is still the thought that the antibiotic I took in the beginning of all this started it all.  However, I feel that something else got it all going.  We travel out of town to see friends and family for Christmas.  This includes eight different Christmas celebrations.  It doesn't matter how I rearrange things it is still stressful to some degree.  On top of just a lot going on, I was also not feeling great last Christmas (thus being the reason I was on meds to begin with), which added to the stress.  I am a firm believer that our thoughts play into our health.  This is confirmed both biblically and scientifically.

As I referenced in an earlier blog post, "Dr. Caroline Leaf, a doctor with over twenty years of brain research, wrote a book that I would highly recommend called Who Switched Off My Brain?.  In her book she says, 'A sudden burst of stress lowers immunity.  However, even more ominous is the effect of small amounts of day-to-day stress.  This confuses your immune system, effectively setting in motion the autoimmune response that causes your body to turn on itself.'  It is crazy how many different things within ourselves are effected, complicated, and/or destroyed by fear thoughts and anxiety.  She goes on to say, "Your thoughts can sweep away stress, making you more clever, calm and in control of your emotions, or they can do just the opposite!  The choice is yours.  Every thought we think should be weighed carefully, because as we think so are we--'For as he hath thought in his soul, so is he...' (Proverbs 23:7)."

God loves us and wants the very best for us.  Thus, the reason not fearing, not being anxious, and trusting is mentioned over a hundred times throughout scripture.  It's not by accident.  Stress and fear can wreak havoc on the body and mind, driving a wedge in your relationship with God.  On the flip side, the more you trust the closer your relationship becomes.

"A heart that has peace is life to the body, but wrong desires are like the wasting away of the bones."

Proverbs 14:30 NLV

After moving away from family and friends I battled chronic anxiety, even if it was the "small amounts of day-to-day stress" that Dr. Leaf mentions.  I feel that this all got started as a result of my thoughts and my immune system being lowered due to stressful thinking.  So, daily, I have been more aware of "taking every thought captive to obey Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5).  When our thinking is in line with God our body will respond accordingly.  It's amazing the chain reaction that can be set off just by our thoughts.

I had the recent opportunity of praying with someone at a recent medical visit that is currently experiencing a very similar skin condition.  If I had not been experiencing this myself I may not have had the opportunity, or motivation to pray with her.  God's blessings even in the most unexpected situations.  They are everywhere.

I felt the desire to share my story with antihistamines just incase you are experiencing similar symptoms or are considering taking Zyrtec and similar antihistamines long term.  Many people are perfectly fine with long-term antihistamine use and that's wonderful.  Just be sure to talk to your doctor, but ultimately pray for direction when it comes to decisions concerning your health.  LISTEN to Him.  After all, He is the "great Physician" and the One who knows you and your body better than anyone.  He is your Creator :)

The Answer for Worrying

Worry:

"To give way to anxiety or unease; allow one's mind to dwell on difficulties or troubles"

To give way--to let it in.  Your choice, no one else. To dwell--to meditate, to rest in it, to surround yourself.
However, God tells a different story throughout His word.
"In the way of your testimonies I delight as much as in all riches.  I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways.  I will delight in your statutes; I will not forget your word." Psalm 119:14-16
He says for us to meditate on HIM and not the terrible cycle that worry brings.
The Lord wants us to fill up our minds with Him so that we crowd out the thoughts of the devil.  When we delve into the word of God we begin to see this world, along with the anxieties that arise, through a different set of eyes.  I have gone through spells where there are other things that compete for my attention.  Let's be honest, there is something every day that tempts you to not sit down, SLOW down, and meditate on God's word.  Slowing down goes against every fiber in our body when  you have a voice in your head saying, "The kitchen is a mess.  We have no food in the fridge.  I need to go to the store.  Like now.  I'm starving."  Sometimes it's our own work schedule that gets in the way.  You justify by saying, "I have a meeting this morning.  I will read later.  I will pray on my way to work and before lunch."  Some of us don't just have those thoughts in our head.  Some of us have a little one in our face, pulling on our clothes, begging for a snack, like they didn't just have breakfasts #1, #2, and #3.  Our two girls have a passion, a LOVE for eating, and it never stops. (In fact, as I am writing this, Hoot just came in here saying, "Mommy, I want breakfast".  So there it is.)  But think about it this way.  We put a lot of effort into cultivating friendships and relationships with our spouse and children.  We make sure we have dinner together so we can catch up on the events of the day.  We go out together, run errands, shuttle our kids to a hundred events.  We chat it up the whole time, getting to know each other as we spend time together.  
How are you going to get to know God, your Father, the creator of the universe as you bow your head quickly before dinner?  How about that prayer as you get in bed and close your eyes?  I cannot tell you how many times I have fallen asleep during those bedtime prayers.  While those prayer times are great, they cannot be the only times you converse with Him.  We discussed in our Life Group last week how we need to be intentional when it comes to spending time with God just like we are when it comes to spending time with our kids, spouse, and friends.  Can you imagine telling your kids you would be somewhere to hang out with them and then just never showing up?  What about if you and your spouse had a date night planned (it happens...sometimes!) and as you sat at the table, waiting for them to show, you got a phone call saying that they forgot all about it.  We have to make a date with God and be intentional when it comes to keeping it.  
I am a morning person, but I understand that many people just aren't.  The thought of waking up early to spend time with God is just not going to happen and that is fine.  Maybe nighttime is your thing or even during your lunch break.  One thing I think about though is how we have the tendency to put off God.  "Well, after I get the house cleaned" or "After I make this phone call".  That is one reason the morning is good for me.  It puts God as the first priority of my day and it's before the crazy, in my face, busyness begins!  It allows me to set my mind on the Spirit of God first thing in the morning, which helps set the tone and my mind for the day.
"For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.  For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot.  Those who are in the flesh cannot please God." Romans 8:6-8
I am working through Ann Voskamp's book The Greatest Gift right now during this Advent season.  This morning I loved reading this passage when she says, "Worry is belief gone wrong.  Because you don't believe that God will get it right.  Peace is belief that exhales.  Because you believe that God's provision is everywhere--like air." 
So when I am worrying am I saying that I don't believe God will get it right?  That is exactly what I am saying.  This quote hit me hard.  My worrisome thoughts and questions stand in direct opposition to the faith that I need to have.  When I am at peace I am saying, "Yes, God.  I trust you.  I know you love me and want the best for my life.  I trust in you alone.  Not my reasoning, researching, and questioning because with you Lord there are no questions.  You alone are the answer."
I struggle daily, but more and more I find myself being able to recognize and stop the worry as it creeps into my thoughts and before it runs rampant.  The closer I draw to God the clearer I can see.
 

Dealing with Difficult People

We all have them.  People that are just difficult to get along with in this life.  The brother who is selfish.  The Mom who is over involved or not involved at all.  The friend who is rarely satisfied and surrounds themselves with negativity, nothing is ever right and everyone is out to get them. The coworker who will do anything to succeed, including stabbing you in the back.  Whatever the case may be, there will always be those people and situations.

So, how do we deal?

"Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.  Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.  Live in harmony with one another.  Do not be proud, but be wiling to associate with people of low position.  Do not be conceited.  Do not repay anyone evil for evil.  Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.  If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

Romans 12: 14-18

We love on them.  We humble ourselves.  We don't take it personal.  

The last part is the hardest part for me.  People have their own issues going on.  They are unhappy with their work, suffering in their relationships, and the list goes on.  I know when  I am upset I do not see things clearly and I project it onto others.  Just ask my husband :)  My perspective is off from my own unhappiness and I no longer see people and situations in the right light.

So, we love on these people to the best of our ability.  However, I love how Paul says, "IF it is possible, as far as it depends on YOU, live at peace with everyone."  You can only do as much as is humanly possible.  In Matthew, when Jesus is instructing his disciples to proclaim His message amongst the nations, he says, "If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet" (Matthew 10:14).  This is of course referring to sharing the word, but the same holds true in this case.  God gives us the directive to love others to the best of our ability, but if it is not received, continue giving it over to God, knowing that it is not in your hands, but in HIS.  PRAY for that individual.  Chances are they have sadness and bitterness rooted within their own heart.

These verses serve as a reminder that He is in control, not us.  I believe He asks us to walk away, to some degree, to preserve ourselves as well.  For what starts off as a display of love and hope toward another can cultivate into a growing bitterness, resentment, or dissatisfaction if we do not get the response we were hoping for all along.  You cannot be another's Holy Spirit.  That is not our job.  It is so important that we do not let the love we have in our heart be darkened based on the response, or lack of response, you receive from another.

So, reach out, make a phone call, shoot that person a text, make a lunch date, but know that the issue is not always a heart issue between you and that person.  Often times it is a heart issue between that person and God.