What is home really?

We have all heard the phrase "Home is where the heart is".  I have struggled with this over the last seven months.  Seven months ago we picked up and moved.  It was a move that came out of nowhere.  I fought the move through tears and anger, but there was always a still, resounding voice that kept saying, "Go!" from within my spirit.

My entire life has been spent in Texas.  My journey as a child started off west of Dallas, living in a trailer park, where my grandparents also lived.  After a few years of living there, we hitched our home to the back of a truck, and hauled it down the interstate. Off we went to another trailer park.  It's an interesting thing to move an hour away, but to bring your home with you.  We lived in that same mobile home until I was seven and my parents decided to build a home nearby.  Even though our new home was much nicer, I remember longing for the trailer park.  I remembered the familiarity of playing on our porch, skating around the park with neighborhood kids, and swimming at the clubhouse.  My little heart ached for the familiarity that we had in the home we hauled around.

Years passed and we were in our new home, enjoying it, swimming in the pool, playing football and basketball on a daily basis, and having friends over.  When I graduated I didn't go too far.  My first stop in college was an hour away.  I was in a relationship and I couldn't imagine anymore distance at the time.  My friends were also going to this school so I followed along.  We made our home in a dorm room and a few months later had the option to move to another, larger dorm, so we made the move.  Midway through my experience I soon realized that I was not at a college that had a lot of Christian influence.  Besides my high school friends, I felt like I was on an island when it came to my walk with Christ.  I decided to apply to Baylor, hoping to find a better fit.  This was HUGE for me.  Up until this time I was constantly clinging to familiarity.  I could not imagine leaving my friends and going to a place where I knew no one, but I felt led to apply just the same.  I was accepted and off I went that following year.

I moved into an apartment with a girl that I met from a board of people needing a roommate.  I loved Baylor, but financially it was not working out.  I had already signed a lease for the next year with some friends in a duplex so I decided to take some courses at the local community college.  From there I started my application process again.  I was becoming quite good at the whole applying thing at this point.  I applied to University of Arkansas and to a university in Texas.  I had started dating my husband, who had been my best friend for over six years, at this time and yes, that played into my decision.  I visited both campuses and in the end decided that University of Arkansas was too far when it came to really giving things a go with my husband.  I moved into another apartment with three other girls that I had never met.  It went well, but after a year I had met friends in the Christian sorority I was a part of.  The following year I moved into a rent house with some of my sorority girls.  My husband and I got engaged right before I started my journey into student teaching.  Once we were married, we moved into an apartment in the neighboring city for six months and then we bought a house near our hometown.  

All of this being said, I moved ten times (before this last move) and eight of those times were within six years. Yes, some of those moves were small, but it started building up more resiliency to being in situations that were unfamiliar.  However, once we moved into our home as a married couple and started having kids, I felt planted again, rooted, and I wanted nothing to do with the unfamiliar again.

Like I said, our move to Tennessee came out of absolutely nowhere.  I'll save that story for another day, but just know that it knocked me off my throne of security.  Since we moved we have visited friends and family in Texas and without fail I flood myself with tears all throughout the visit.  When it comes to the phrase, "Home is where the heart is", I have said a hundred times, "My HEART is here in Texas.  What are we doing?"  However, as any Texan knows, you will always have a special love for Texas, no matter where you go.  Other states may be beautiful, wonderful, etc. etc., but there is just something special about Texas.  Period.

Hence my new bumper sticker...

I remember during a recent church service I distinctly (and loudly) heard the voice of the Holy Spirit.  He said, "I am your HOME.  Not a place.  Not a person.  Just ME and I am with you WHEREVER you may go." In this moment, 
I knew I was home.   Yes, I missed the familiarity of my surroundings in Texas.  Yes, I missed my family and friends.  All of the ideas I had conjured up in my mind of where we would live in Texas and what we would be doing were washed away, but I suddenly felt great peace in the "unknown".  It was no longer the unknown, but instead the one thing that was truly known.   "Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:9-
The Lord is taking me to another place when it comes to my relationship with Him.  He is the only constant, everything else is truly temporary.  My confidence should be in Him, not solely the pleasures of this Earth.  Those things will change, shift, and disappoint, but the Lord, our God, is everlasting. "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." -James 1:17-
Often times I have doubt and fear creep in my mind when it comes to losing loved ones or something happening to myself.  The fear can be consuming, leaving me with questioning what my girls would do with out me and how Adam would be.   Through this God has reminded me that this is my home for now, but at some point my spirit will abandon my flesh and only then will I truly be home. Home is not necessarily where "the heart is". He is dwelling within your spirit.  He is living in the snowfall, blooming flowers, and sunshine.  His image thrives through his people all around you.  He is everywhere you go and in everything you see.   Home is where God is and he is everywhere you go. "Jesus replied, 'Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching.  My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them." -John 14:23-

Kids are just gross

If you have a weak stomach for all things kid, turn back, look away, read no more.  I understand.  I was the teenage babysitter who tried to convince the "older" five year old sibling to change his baby brother's diaper as I had Kleenex shoved up my nose and I tried to restrain myself from gagging.  I pleaded with the kid, begging him to give me a hand.  I would give him a cookie if he would change his brother's diaper for me.  Heck, I would've settled for an assistant for that matter.  I couldn't handle kids and their need to release anything and everything that they would consume within the day.

Flash forward 15 years.

It is true what they say about "it being different with your own kids".  It is absolutely different.  However, some days are just a little more than you want to handle.  At least I can now laugh about it with Bumble, with her being three.  The last two days have been an adventure in this area of things.  If you get grossed out easily, stop now, but if you are a parent I'm sure you can relate.

Hoot eats constantly.  She is just a passionate eater and always has been.  She was taking down 8 oz. from the beginning pretty much and has always enjoyed solids.  If we don't feed her fast enough she is yelling, grunting, and slamming her chubby little hand on the table.  She is a demanding little sucker.  However, with all of the food intake comes a lot of outtake.  We have spent many times on the side of the road, cleaning out blowouts, and many mornings changing sheets.  So as I am tearing off sheets today, running late for my MOMS group, I am doing an internal struggle of "do I throw her in the bath this morning and become even later OR do I just grab that box of wipes?"  I went with the second option (terrible I know), shoveled some food down, and out the door we went.  All the while I am trying to peel the layers of white dog hair that cling to me and fly around in the air.  Oh Denali. My 130 pound Husky-Wolf thinks it is summer when I turn on the heater in our apartment.  It is 30 degrees outside, come on man.  I had already cleaned our couch twice this morning with it being covered in an inch of snow white hair.  He likes to cram his body between the coffee table and the couch in search of crumbs left behind, while leaving a trail of clumpy dog hair along the couch line.  You can't escape it.  I'm not sure why I own anything black.  

We were only 30 minutes late to group.  Upon leaving I hear Hoot cough a few times and then start crying.  I do what I always do instinctively with her.  I reach in the diaper bag, grab a box of raisins, and hand them back.  Bumble immediately says, "Umm, Mom...she has oatmeal all over her."  Say what?  I get out to find her covered in breakfast from the morning.  Lovely.  I grab the wipes in the front seat and try to clean her up, very quickly, because my chubby little friend decides that she is going to eat her now resurfaced Craisins and oatmeal.  Yuck.  She just can't resist any kind of food being that close.

We get back and before getting her out of the car I decide to take off her shirt, even though it's freezing, and run her inside.  I throw Bumble's lunch in the microwave and throw Hoot in the tub.  After giving them both baths and lunch I get them into bed for a much needed nap.  After a few minutes I hear the springs of Hoot's mattress and I know that Bumble has made her way into Hoot's bed and they are jumping like crazy.  It's their own personal trampoline.  After about ten minutes of this Bumble is calling me saying, "Mom, get in here.  We have an emergency."  I walk in to find that Bumble has hopped out of the crib and is pointing at her sister, who is eating something (you can fill in that blank).  Another blow out.  Pants, shirt, back, hairline.  Yes.  Everything off.  Let's start again.  As I'm changing her, the sheets, and everything else Denali enters the room and decides he wants to start in on what he's finding in the sheets.  Then, Bumble jumps out of bed saying, "Mom!  I need to use the restroom!" and runs out of the room to the bathroom.  Once again, we get all settled, I get them down again, and I sit down to do a little reading.  Denali walks in and starts licking the coffee table, which usually doesn't bother me a ton, but with the situation being what it was and knowing where his tongue had been I immediately broke out the cleaners.

If you would have told the fifteen year old me what I would be doing down the road I would never have believed it.  All without Kleenex up the nostrils too.  Quite an accomplishment in itself.

Kids expose you to things that you never thought you would do.  Sometimes, when you are in the throws of complete chaos, you just need to smile, laugh, and take it in.  It's just for a moment.  A moment that will pass and I know at some point these little gross kiddos won't need me quite as much.  So for now, even though I often cringe, I will gladly follow them around and take care of all of their "emergencies".

What If I Don't Feel Like Being Thankful?

There are those weeks when I get on Facebook and I am bombarded with pictures of babies (totally guilty of this), posts about what someone ate for dinner (breakfast and lunch too), and "selfies" taken from every angle, with multiple expressions.  For the most part, I don't judge.  I don't care what you post.  I honestly like scanning through my feed and if what you post doesn't interest me I scan right past you, but I don't hate on you for it either.

This week, as I sat cozied up on my couch, I would pull out my phone and swipe through my news feed.  With several posts I felt my heart break.  Countless friends hurting.  Devastating news received.  Lives changed and altered forever.  I would pray for each one as I read them.  Then, that night or the next morning I would pray as well.  After a few days I started realizing that I couldn't keep track of all the pain and my prayer started sounding something like, 

"Dear Lord,

There are so many people hurting.  I can't remember all of their names and situations anymore, but you can.  Give them peace.  Let your angels stand guard around them.  In the hospital rooms, at the funerals, in their homes, please Lord, guard their hearts, give them peace that surpasses all understanding.

Amen."

In Paul's letter to the church at Thessalonica he says, "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).  As I laid in bed, on this Thanksgiving morning, I felt this verse on replay in my mind.

ALWAYS.

CONTINUALLY.

ALL CIRCUMSTANCES.

GOD'S WILL.

Just how are we supposed to do that?  

My Uncle gets diagnosed and passes away from cancer.  Be joyful?

My Aunt gets diagnosed and passes away from cancer.  Pray continually?

A young family, going on vacation, gets in a car accident and they all get killed.  Give thanks in all circumstances, even this one?

It is incredibly easy to give thanks when we feel all of our wants and needs are being met.  However, the moment things start working outside of our desires, you panic, become angry, and want to start throwing stones at God.  Our heart breaks, we don't understand, and we start to want our will to be done, not His.  We want to conform His will into our will.

Why do we allow Satan's voice to be so much louder than the Holy Spirit dwelling inside?  We start questioning and doubting so quickly.  

Often times, I can almost hear that slithering serpent, whispering to me, in my quiet moments...

"If God cared, why didn't he heal them?  Why does he allow you to be in so much pain? Where is your 'god' now?"

I don't pretend to have the answers.  To be honest, there are times that I feel anxiety swarming all around me, filling me with panic.  I have felt depression after having both of my girls.  Isn't that just crazy that you can feel depressed after having such a blessing enter your world?  For some, that postpartum depression business is the real deal, and it's hard.  However, let me tell you what gets me through it, even if it's just baby steps.

Faith and Obedience.

Don't expect automatic, genuine joy when you receive bad news because more than likely, you probably won't have it.  Don't expect to be overwhelmed with thankfulness when you experience heartbreak.  It's not going to happen on your own.  These are reactions that are not natural for us and that is okay.  Don't put yourself on a guilt trip because you think, "Oh, I should feel thankful in this circumstance.  I should feel joyful, but I'm not. I just feel hurt, anger, and resentment."

Here's the deal.  It's not about what you feel.  Feelings fluctuate every hour (pretty much every second if we're being honest).  We are fickle beings.

In Hebrews 4:1-3 it says, "Therefore, since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it.  For we also have had the gospel preached to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because those who heard did not combine it with faith.  Now we who have believed enter that rest..."

God promises us rest, but not based on what we "feel".  He gives us rest when we have faith in Him above and beyond what we can understand.  It is okay to say, "God, I don't understand. I feel anger and I feel sadness, but I have faith and belief in you and that is enough."  The more you say it, the more your feelings will catch up to your words.  Giving thanks keeps us in God's presence.

Bottom line, faith and trust in Him is shown through obedience.  Through that trust in His promises and word He will give you unexplainable joy and thankfulness, despite the circumstance.  His Holy Spirit fills the gap.  We just must be willing to take that first step, even when it goes completely against what we "feel".

This Thanksgiving I am of course thankful for my family, friends, and a roof over my head.  I am thankful for my husband's job and the fact that we have food in the fridge.  I am thankful for the doors that have been opened, since our move, when it comes to wonderful friends we have met, beautiful scenery, and an amazing church.  However, the thing that I am most thankful for is the hope that God gives us past this temporary life.  I love my life here, but my soul yearns for the time when I will spend eternity with God.  I am thankful that he provides opportunities for me to grow closer to Him in this life through pain, sorrow, and anger.  I am thankful that He can create a joyful heart, a prayer filled warrior,  and a thankful believer even when we don't feel like it.

Happy Thanksgiving All!

Where does your heart rest?

Now stay with me.  This is not a plug for a company or an endorsement for a product.  It has nothing to do with it.  That being said...read on.

I recently became a distributor for a multilevel marketing company.  From the endorsers, the research, personal stories of those close to me, and from my own personal experience I really like the product.  Since I started with the company I find my mind spinning, trying to find ways to share the product with others.  There are items that I have tried that really helped me and I want to help others with the difficulties they are having.  I may have a person tell me about something going on with them and I automatically think of certain products that may help.  I want to spread the word.  I want others to know about these products.  I want to "save" them from what ails them, giving them freedom, either physically or financially.

I think about being in the workplace.  Before my life as a stay at home Mom I was a teacher.  I would stay at school late, making my lesson plans, and attempting to make activities that would reach my kids.  I wanted them to understand the concepts.  My goal was to share knowledge with them that I truly felt they needed to know.

I see my husband's mind turning about his work, often times after work hours, as he creates and organizes presentations, events, and ideas.  He is always strategizing, trying to find the best way to convey his message to others. 

One night, as I spoke about the company to a friend, it dawned on me.

This is what I should be doing more of when it comes to Christ.

As I was thinking of ways to share this company with others I suddenly realized how my energy and direction was somewhat displaced.  While this is a good company and I should want to share it, how much GREATER is the creator of the universe and how much more vitally important is that message?!  True, this company may make you feel better, while you are in this temporary home in this temporal body, but the message of Christ is eternal.

Shouldn't we be staying up later, studying the word of God, and constantly searching out people to tell about Him?  In a multilevel company you hope to have others sign up under you so that in turn they will be able to share the products and the company with others.  Shouldn't our goal be to "sign up" others for Christ so that they will in turn share the living word to those around them?   With this company, they ask you to just share your story.  Share your experience.  As I was doing this I was thinking, "Wow, I need to be doing more of that when it comes to Christ, the message of forgiveness, and the joy found in a relationship with Him."  One product of Christ he has given me is forgiveness for all of my questioning, fears, and anxiety (Ephesians 4:32).  Another being an eternal hope and life in Him (John 3:16).  He gives me peace and strength right when I need it (Isaiah 40:29).  There have been things that I feared so much.  However, when I finally came to that moment He was already there.  

I sometimes think we just need a restart button.

We get so unbelievably distracted and tangled in what really doesn't matter that we lose sight of everything that truly does.

The things we do on this Earth are not in themselves bad at all.  This is not what I am saying.  We need work to help provide for our families.  We need people that work hard and show devotion in their workplace.  Our jobs and skills are a gift and blessing from God.  We just need to evaluate where our heart and focus lies.  Think about what is truly at stake.

By not sharing God and his work in your life you are depriving those around you that are lost and hurting.  Just like I want to share these products to help others, how much greater is the gift of salvation?  Yes, these products help your body here on this Earth, but then what?  What Christ offers is eternal life and without Him is eternal damnation.  If we truly believe this, shouldn't we be up late, working hard, trying to find ways to share this truth and hope with those around us?  I know my mind needs to be redirected, pretty much on a minute to minute basis.  

What is your focus?  Where does your heart rest?  

Liberté Méditerranée yogurt and Being Featured!

Good morning everyone!

I woke up this morning to a message in my inbox saying that our Glitter Pumpkins were featured yesterday on Pam's Party and Practical Tips.  Thank you Pam!

So, on a complete side note, I wanted to share one of my favorite things right now.

A few weeks ago a lady was giving out samples and coupons for 

Liberté Méditerranée yogurt 

at the grocery store.  I am such a sucker for samples when I'm at the store.  That may one of the biggest reasons I love Cosco, but that's another story.

I LOVED this stuff immediately.  They had samples of the lemon and the coconut and both were SO stinking good.  The lemon has such a fresh flavor and the coconut is amazing.  It even has little coconut flakes throughout!

It does have a lot of sugar.  That's why it's a treat and often times my dessert!

Here are a few facts:

*they refrain from adding gelatin, sugar substitutes, or preservatives

*comes in seven flavors

*All are kosher certified, except for the coconut flavor

*they only use suppliers that provide milk from cows not treated with rBST/rBGH

*Gluten free

YUM!

Bird Painting: Using Heavy Gel

This week, during my MOMS group, we painted pumpkins.  I really enjoyed it and it made me remember how much I missed painting.  I didn't bring too much when we moved into our apartment due to lack of space and just honestly feeling a bit overwhelmed.  Most of my art supplies are in storage so I haven't been super inspired to dig into painting.  However, after painting the pumpkin it was on!  

Yesterday, the girls were napping, football was on, my hubby went running, and I decided to pull out the paints.  One of my favorite things to use is Gloss Heavy Gel from Liquitex.  There is a lot you can do with this stuff.  It thickens your paints, adds texture, and a little bit of gloss.  I love how it makes my acrylics last a little longer too.

There are a few ways you can go about doing this.  You can take the gel and spread it across your canvas.   I LOVE using a palette knife.

Or you can mix the gel with a color.  The color doesn't change, but it spreads out your paint so it lasts longer and gives you that texture.

Okay, so in storage I have a projector that I use for writing text on canvases.  I freehand sometimes, but I love being able to pick from hundreds of different fonts.  With my projector being in storage I had to find a new way.  I used GIMP to type up the text and then mirrored it, which flipped it horizontally.

Then, I put the sheet of text facedown on my canvas.  So, unlike this picture shows, flip your paper so the ink-side is touching your canvas.

Take a pencil and trace it.  I had to press hard as I did it and I would peel it up as I went to see if it was going through.  It was faint, but it worked!

This is the almost finished product.

I LOVE this Gloss Varnish from Liquitex.  It not only protects your paintings, but gives it that just finished, glossy, wet look.

Happy painting!

And the winner for the Lolli's Kitschy Krafts giveaway is...

We have a winner for Lolli's Kitschy Kraft's giveaway chosen by random.org.

It is...

Congratulations Kemberley!  

Lolli's Kitschy Krafts will be contacting you soon! :)

Thank you everyone else for entering!  More giveways to come!