People always told me before I had Bumble that once you have a child you start to see your relationship with God in a completely different light. You start to catch a glimpse of the love God has for his children, even though our Earthly love for our own will never compare.
Two things happened with Bumble, when she was little, that brought an answer to a question I have had for a long time about God, in regard to pain, questioning, and doubt. It is like I knew the answer, but experiencing this with Bumble brought on a new awareness.
Bumble would get super sleepy during the end of her wake time, rub her eyes, get cranky, and these were all signs that Bumble needed to go to bed. So, I would carry her up the stairs, put her in bed, and she would look back at me just in time to watch me leave. She started her routine, crying as I shut the door. I would hear her scream and cry, which only lasted about 3 minutes (if that), but it probably felt like eternity to her. I’m sure for those brief moments she did not understand and was terrified, angry, and just plain upset. She threw her tantrum, but then sleep would get the best of her.
I saw myself and God so much in this scenario. When things happen (or don’t happen) I tend to get upset. I cry, I yell, and I complain. I do not understand why things are not going my way and I often feel like God is not listening to my cries. When it came to Bumble, I could see the bigger picture. I knew that she would fall asleep. I knew that she was safe. I knew that this is what she needed. I was always there to listen and was watching nearby, but I knew that this is what was best for her at that time. God is the same way. He hears us struggling and even though we feel like He is not with us He is. He sees the bigger picture and he has a plan for our lives. We are very nearsighted, where everything past a few feet of us is blurred. God’s vision started before we existed and continues past eternity.
“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”
Jeremiah 29:11
I would see the same thing occur when I was feeding her. I would put Cheerios on her tray and she would poke around at them, trying to find the best way to pick them up. Eventually, she started picking them up by herself, but after she had it in her hand she started swinging it around like she didn't know it was even there anymore. She hadn't quite perfected getting them to her mouth yet. So after a while, I decided to pick up a Cheerio and she immediately opened her mouth, stuck out her head, and was ready for the Cheerio. I gave her one, but once it was gone she immediately started screaming like a crazy person. I attempted to try and allow her to pick them up again, like she was doing earlier, but that time had passed. At this point, she realized I could just hand it to her and all would be well in the world. I realized that after giving her a few I needed to step back and give her a chance again, or else she would never learn how to do it on her own. I sat at the dining room table, with her right beside me, and let her scream in anger at the top of her lungs. I would look at her and she would just stop crying. She would just stare at me as if to say, “Well? Are you going to give me a Cheerio because you can forget me trying on my own now.” Of course I could’ve jumped in and given her a Cheerio, but how else would she learn to do it on her own? After a few screaming fits she would start trying. She started picking up her Cheerios again and was perfectly content.
Sometimes I wonder, “God, why don’t you step in? You could fix this so quickly.” This Cheerio experience served as a reminder that God could jump in and save the day, but would we learn and grow? Yes, we scream and cry (as we often should), but we must never forget that God is with us. He feels our pain, just as a parent feels their child’s pain. However, his vision is greater than ours and he knows what will truly help us the most. He knows what will help us grow in Him, if we allow ourselves to surrender to Him and His will.
I thank the Lord for what he is teaching me daily through my girls. I only hope that I can remember these little lessons when I trudge through the valleys ahead.
No comments:
Post a Comment